To My Sister

NOTE: This was just supposed to be a comment to my friend’s latest blog entry but I couldn’t stop writing so before I knew it, I ended up writing an entire post for her. I try not to make my blog as a “personal” diary but I just could not let this thing pass. My apologies to those who are expecting for another food entry.

Are you freaking serious? I thought gone are the days when we keep pushing ourselves on a one-way-street kind of love? Don’t you think we’re a little too old for that kind of drama? Honey, you are a sweet, smart and lovable woman. You are a star in your own way. So don't ever think that someone is more celestial than who you are. You have a family and you have friends who love you. If you keep on doing that, you'll end up being wasted and empty. You have so much love in your heart but that does not mean that you can just freely give it away to anyone who you think deserves it. It’s true that love is unconditional. But I think that it is only true for a certain extent. And there is also another form of love - love for oneself.

I know that you’ll end up telling me that I don’t understand your situation because you’re “different”. You didn’t understand me neither before. But you were there for me. So I am here for you like I have always been. In as much as I really want to be “invisible” in your dilemma, I just can’t because I can’t bear seeing you like that.

Let me make this very clear to you, I don’t want to throw away what I firmly believe in so I’d rather keep that to myself. Because I just simply want you to be happy.

I used to think that love would make me complete. But with all the failed relationships which you’ve all witnessed, I realized that the kind of love I created inside my head was destructing me. It hurts me to see you in the same position as I was before.

I am already clear about how I feel about your special someone. It may be uncalled for but just like what I told you, I don’t want to have the same feelings that I felt before. I kept to myself what I really felt about the one you went out with before this one. I regretted that because if I did, things might have been different for you. You might have not ended up as broken as you are right now. They say that friends are not supposed to say certain things. But we’re more than friends; you are a sister to me. And I don’t want you to make the same mistakes over and over again.

If that person cannot take you and is obviously making it very clear to you, just back off. You used to be this person – independent and willing to do even the most difficult things alone. Can you please try being one this time? Because I am really getting mad at you. It’s ironic that it is so easy for someone to break you yet it’s very hard for the people who really love you to pick up those pieces of you.

I yearned for love for so long. But it found me without me knowing it. So can you please stop? Or if you can’t, just slow down a little bit. If you can, turn off the SWITCH in you. You’re going to have a new work so just try to focus your energy on that. Maybe you'll find what you're looking for when you least expect it.

I know you. I know you listen to me. That is why I try to filter each word that comes out of my mouth. And why I always choose to stay out of the picture as much as I can. But this has to stop.

Promise me two things. Think and learn to value and love yourself. You don’t need another human being yet another STAR to help you do these things.