Image taken from www.midnet.orgOur family, specifically my father experienced another lost with the death of a family friend. He was supposed to turn 49 a couple of weeks before he passed away. His sudden death made him leave behind his 32-year old wife and three children, the oldest of which is roughly around 12 years old. She was supposed to graduate with honors on his father’s birthday. His father was like the brother that my father never had. Papa was actually close to the entire family. I actually sort of “inherited” their friendship because my childhood best friend is the oldest daughter of one of Tito’s older brothers. I could feel Papa’s lost because he feels like he is relatively left with no friends. I could feel his grief because I know that it’s hard for a father to leave their children and it’s probably harder for three young kids to comprehend why these things had to happen. I am 30 years old, yet the thought of Mama and Papa being gone leaves a pang of pain in my heart. So what more for three young children?
I can never imagine being widowed at 32. And I don’t want to imagine being widowed with three young kids. But things had to happen. We lose people along the way. And more often than not, those who are left behind ask only one question. “Why?”
As I was looking into Tito’s coffin, I made one absurd plea. I told him not to miss Papa because we still need him. I still want him to experience playing with his grandchildren. I want to travel with him and Mama. I want both of them to enjoy the fruits of their labor when they retire. And after that, I couldn’t help but ask myself. “Why?”
When Tito was still battling for his life, I witnessed my father cry. He said that Tito goes to church every Sunday with his family. “Kahit ganun ‘yun, ipinagdadasal niya tayong lahat kahit hindi natin sabihin sa kanya.” That same day, he went to Quiapo Church to pray for the Black Nazarene. Papa is a believer of the miracles of the Black Nazarene. When I had to fly to Minnesota, Mama told me that Papa went to Quiapo Church to pray for my safety. He got his miracle because I went home safe and sound. But Tito didn’t make it. “Why?”
I then overheard Mama talking to one of Tito’s older sister during the wake. She said that every death is painful. They lost another younger brother barely a year ago. He had been battling the disease for years. He was also widowed so he probably lost the will to fight. But according to her, this recent death of their youngest brother is more painful because it was so sudden, and again, he left behind three young kids. And then she said something which left me speechless. I was literally choking and gasping for breath as I fight my tears from falling. She said that it’s impossible for us to answer the question WHY. It’s impossible for us to understand why we had to experience an unbearable loss RIGHT AWAY. But sooner or later, depending on how open our heart is, we’ll understand why some things had to be taken away from us.
The past couple of years of my life are filled with a lot of losses, some of which seem unimaginable and impossible to fathom by someone my age. Most of the time, I find myself asking the question WHY. But it’s surprising how each day is like a missing piece of a puzzle. And little by little, I feel that I’m finally solving the puzzle. I’m finally getting the bigger picture. A very good friend once told me why God wants us to share. It’s because God wants us to free our hands to be able to accept and embrace more of His blessings. I believe that the same things goes with losses. The only consolation I have each time I lose something I terribly want is the thought that God probably wants me to let go of the unnecessary things. He is probably preparing me for something BIGGER and BETTER. So if you’re reading this and you feel like you’re losing the battle, HANG IN THERE! You are bound to receive something BIGGER and BETTER!
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