A Breeze of Good Deeds #36: A Letter for HIM

Dear God,

I know that I talk to You every night before I go to sleep. I feel Your presence every single second of my existence. But I don’t think that I have ever written You a letter. I don’t think it’s necessary because You already know everything, even my most hidden desires. But I'll write anyway. :)

These past few days have been extremely hard for me. But I wholeheartedly thank You for You have never abandoned me. I may not be Your most faithful servant, but I try my best to be better every day.

I thank You for finding ways to answer all my questions because though I like talking to You, I will definitely go insane if You talk back to me. But I thank You for surrounding me with wise people. I know that You talk to me THROUGH them. Yesterday I said, “Emotional distress continues today. Lord, I know that You know that I can do this. But don't You think You're trusting me too much? :p” I don’t know how You found a way to read my Facebook shoutout (hihi :p), but You have managed to make things clearer for me through my former office mate Jen. “Je, hindi, God trusts you just the right amount, you just have to trust yourself the same way.” Yes Boss, point taken! :)

I thank You for making me understand that my work is a blessing and not a curse. Some people just don’t value their jobs the way they should. There are days when I feel like quitting, blaming stress for my degrading health. But You showed me that not everybody is given the chance to have a good career. I thank You for giving me understanding bosses/ex-bosses and teammates/ex-teammates who show genuine concern for me. And I thank You for giving me hardworking parents who taught me that I should never bite the hands that feed me.

I thank You for giving me this blog. I thank You for giving me the most caring readers. I say something online, and most of them come to me to give me comfort. I never felt that they just say things to snoop around. Through them, I’ve managed to feel Your loving presence. Rest assured that I’ll fulfill my purpose to spread happiness and positivity through this blog.

I thank You for giving me Mei. I know that we’re miles apart, but she has helped me keep my sanity these past few days. I don’t have a lot of married female friends, but the very few You’ve given me are simply the best. The last time that Mei and I prayed over IM, I surely felt Your love and grace.

I thank You for giving me friends who care. I may not divulge everything to them, but knowing that they do care makes me feel really lucky.

I thank You for giving me a wonderful family. I may not have everything, but You gave me the best gift by making me a part of this family.

I thank You for giving me a very loving husband. There are days when I get extra cranky, but my husband’s patience is truly unwavering. There are days when all I want to do is curl up in my bed and cry, but my husband’s jokes never fail to make me laugh. There are days when I feel like I’m the less loving partner in this marriage because of my frustrations, but my husband’s love for me has always been unquestionable.

A couple of days ago, I asked You a question. “Lord, hindi po ba masyado na akong nahihirapan? Hindi po ba quota na ako?” I felt ashamed asking You a very stupid question. You NEVER told me, “Je, quota ka na sa blessings Ko, awat na.” NEVER. You could have given me a good career yet a miserable marriage. But You didn’t. You could have given me shelter with abusive parents. But You didn’t. You could have given me a college degree along with horrible life mentors. But You didn’t. When I asked You for 5 things this year, you could have given me NOTHING. I  would be happy if You gave me 1, but You gave me 4! Your love for me is unending. Your grace is limitless. I’m sorry for doubting You.

Whatever this may be, please grant me a heart that’s willing to accept Your will. Help me understand that though things may look bad today, these are all parts of Your greater plans for me.


Your faithful servant,
Je