Why I Think We’re Like Monica and Chandler

My husband and I love watching FRIENDS. Even now that he’s into Game of Thrones and I’m hooked with the more underrated TV series like iZombie and Orphan Black, Friends is still the best TV series for both of us. A lot tried to grab the top spot in our hearts, but none even made it close. When we were still dating, we would often dream of watching late night reruns of Friends together in our own bedroom. And more than a decade after its last episode was shown, Boyet and I still watch Friends with the same reactions as to when we first watched it. There are a lot of times when we would remember watching a specific episode, but we would still laugh at the same scenes as if it was our first time to see it. But as we were watching the reruns of Friends on Warner TV, I noticed that my perspective of the TV show has somehow changed over the years. When I first watched it years ago, I just thought of it as a funny and very entertaining show. But years of experiences have changed the way I see it now. First, I realized that Rachel and Ross are my least favorite characters. Yes, Ross is amusingly funny, and Rachel is undeniably gorgeous. But the indecisiveness of Ross towards his feelings for Rachel and Rachel being an immature and unfair spoiled brat at times are quite irritating. Again, I didn’t mind this the first time I watched the series. Second, I have come to love and sometimes envy the friendship of Chandler and Joey. Third, when I first watched Friends years ago, I was keenly following the love story of Ross and Rachel. I’m not sure what appealed to me at that time. But now that I am much older, I felt like the love story of Monica and Chandler is the quintessential one. Again, this may be an unpopular opinion. But I guess that it roots from the fact that I am more mature now so the on and off, rocky and unpredictable love story of Ross and Rachel no longer appeals to me.

Or it’s probably because I can relate more with Monica and Chandler now.

Although my husband and I didn’t go as far as starting off our relationship with a one-night stand in a foreign land just like Monica and Chandler, the start of our love story can be described the same way as Monica and Chandler’s – it was unexpected. Just like the two, we have been friends for the longest time. I remember on an earlier season when Chandler was bugging Monica about the possibility of them being romantically involved, a thought that Monica immediately dismissed. But then poof! They just clicked one day. They were even trying to understand the situation that they were in, but they just went with the flow when they started to feel that what they have was something real. And then the hiding begins. (Hihihi! ‘Yung bawal mag holding hands in public kasi ang daming judgemental! :p) They initially hid their relationships even to their closest friends. Watching those episodes again brought me back to the time when everybody got shocked, including my best friends, when I told them that Boyet and I were already dating. “Ano? Si Boyet??? Kayong dalawa ni Boyet? Paano nangyari ‘yun?!”

Monica is well-known for her obsessive compulsive personality. I may not be as extreme, but yeah, I want everything in order according to my own preference. On the other hand, Chandler has always been that goofy and sometimes annoying guy who does not know how to take things seriously. But when he does, he really does take things seriously! People close to us can attest that my husband is very much like that! Number one sa kalokohan at alaskahan pero may natatago naman siyang lalim kung kinakailangang ilabas! :p

But the thing that made me relate the most to this couple is probably their infertility journey. I didn’t really pay enough attention to it before. But because of our four-year battle with infertility, I somehow felt the connection between us and their characters.

Monica and Chandler both struggled with having a baby. Monica is known to be the kind of woman who has dreamt of having her own family, her own children. She even made a painful decision to leave Richard just because he wasn’t keen in building a family with her. She has yearned for a child, and it was made clear how she took care of the kids around her as early as when Ben (child of Ross from his first marriage) was born. And she has lived through the reality of having her close friends having their own kids. Phoebe became a surrogate to her brother’s triplets, and Rachel got pregnant after having some sort of a one-night stand with Ross! But as fate dictates it, Monica and Chandler, the married couple who are ready and willing to become parents, were not as fortunate! I happened to watch reruns of that season just in time when I was going through a difficult part of my infertility journey. So medyo tagos hanggang bones ang sakit while watching those specific episodes! Hahaha! But then, I specifically caught one episode that made me tear up a bit. I was already pregnant when I got to watch it again. Monica and Chandler resorted to adoption. But they were forced to lie to the birth mother when she had mistaken them for a doctor and a minister! They desperately wanted a child so they went along with the mother’s false belief. But when they realized that they could not have the child by lying, they told the mother about the truth and apologized. Not wanting her child to be in the hands of two liars, she decided to back out. But then, Chandler said this!!!

“My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... it kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby...”

*tears tears tears*

I remember hearing almost the same thing from my husband countless of times before. There were many times when I doubted about the possibility of us having kids because of our infertility issues, but he knew what to say to comfort me. One time, he told me that I am already a mother. I am a mom to our nieces and nephews, to our godchildren and to the kids I send to school. “Mas nanay ka pa nga kesa sa ibang may mga anak pero pinapabayaan naman!”

He said those things without him realizing that he, too, has always been a father long before we even had a baby…