2013 - The Year God Worked on My Heart

2012 was such a good year for us. 4 out of 5 of the things I prayed for were given to us. When 2013 came, my heart was full of hope thinking that 2013 will be better than the previous year. But it turned out to be a tough one, tougher than I thought my heart could handle. There are days when I feel like I’m being pushed to a wall. The pushing would not stop until I’m completely crushed. It was as if LIFE was being a bitch and just waiting with a grin for me to simply say, I GIVE UP!

A few days ago as I was having an intimate conversation with my husband, I told him that I feel like God has "slowed down" on us. Sabi yata ni God, “O sobra sobra ka na ng 2012, awat muna.” I must admit that there are days when frustrations and disappointments fill my heart that there is no more room for hope. But once in a while, I receive some random things which sort of come with a tag saying,

“Dear Je,

I AM NOT FORGETTING YOU.

Love, God”

I will not go into details because I don’t want to tell you the stories about my personal storms. I want to tell you the stories of how I braved all of them. My husband said that 2013 may fall below our expectations, but there are still a lot of things to be thankful for. And oh, he was able to answer my question about God being “less visible” in our lives. My husband said that God did us a huge favor this year. HE WORKED ON OUR HEARTS!

I read something as to why God is testing our faith. It is not to let Him know how strong we are, it is for us to know how strong we are. Apparently, I still don’t know how far I can go, how patient I can become, and how trusting I am to Him. Doubts, frustrations and disappointments clouded my heart. There was no room for hope to spring. Being a constant goal-getter, I get easily impatient when things don’t go according to my plans. I get impatient when things don’t go according to my timeline. God was probably telling me that His plans and His timeline are far more important than mine.

So this 2014, I will let go. I will let God fill my needs. He knows it more than I do. I will try to wake up every morning thinking that the skies will be brighter and the grass will be greener. I will try to take away something positive out of a negative situation. I will try to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. And when I fall down, I will look at this photo and try to remember this experience. I fell down countless of times. There were people laughing at me. But there were also those who didn't stop cheering for me until I made it. I was able to stand for not more than half a minute, but I did it anyway! I will try to remember that there was no need to be scared because I was wearing a life vest. Same goes with life. God is my life vest when failures, disappointments, frustrations and impatience all try to drown me.