A Breeze of Good Deeds # 8: I Envy a Girl

Published on July 23, 2009

There are days when I ask myself whether I am in the right place, whether I have chosen the right path in life. There are days when I almost crash of self-pity thinking why I am not as good as other people. There are days when I cease to believe in myself. There are days when I feel how unfortunate I am.

I firmly believe if I want other people to see the good in me, I have to endure the process of self-perfection. I compare myself with other people because I believe I need to be better every day. I initially thought this was good because with this notion in my head, I strive harder to become better. But I was wrong.

I have this tendency to be a little harsh on myself. I used to handle criticisms very well. But because of my deep sense of self-preservation and ego, I get hurt even with the slightest comment even if the person saying it means no harm. Slowly, I am seeing myself being molded by how other people say and think about me.

I envy a girl.

She is very pretty. Saying that she possesses an angelic face is an understatement. Her smile is beaming as if she is the source of all the joys in this world. She is very accommodating and everybody seems to like her. Her beauty may have rooted from the fact that she loves herself. She works hard and doesn’t seem to care about other people around her. She works as a staff in a Bench store. I remember holding a bottle of perfume when she tapped me, got the perfume out of my hand and brought it to the counter.

As I was sinking into jealousy of this girl, I found out something.

She is deaf.

Others may pity her. But after knowing her condition, I still envy her.

She may be hurt with the glances and preconceptions for differently-abled people. She may be hurt because she does not get the same opportunities as a normal person would get. But she is still lucky.

She may not have heard a single sound in her entire life. But she is still lucky because she cannot hear the bad things around her. She cannot be dictated by the prejudice of other people. She cannot be hurt by the condemnation brought about by harsh words. She loves her job because she cannot hear the whines of her co-workers. She can be who she wants to be because she cannot be casted into someone based from what she hears from other people.

A person is like a sponge. We absorb everything based on our senses. I remember a blind girl who joined a singing competition. The judges were cynical because they fear that they might judge her based from sympathy. But as soon as she started singing, everybody was awed. One judge enumerated that there are singers like Stevie Wonder and Andrea Bocelli who made it big despite of their condition. Another judge said that there is a reason behind this. It is because they cannot see and adapt the bad habits of other singers. There is a template in singing. They shout and raise their right hand when hitting the high notes. Some close their eyes every now and then while singing. But the blind girl cannot see this, therefore she cannot mold herself to be like the other singers. She can be herself. She gets to have a unique style. But most importantly, she cannot see the face of the crowd. She does not get upset and risk ruining her performance if someone frowns at her while she's singing.

It is true that we have to pay attention to what other people say about us. They may be seeing the things that we refuse to see in ourselves. Some of these may help us become better individuals.

But I think I need to be blind sometimes. I need to try not to focus on what other people have. I may think they are lucky because they seem to have everything in the world, but they still might be yearning for true happiness.

Sometimes, I need to be deaf. I shall refuse to listen to the praises because I might stop in improving on what I do. I shall refuse to listen to the buzz of other people talking behind my back. These shall definitely not affect me. I should refuse to listen to harsh words. Because as a sponge, I might absorb them and later on use the same words to hurt other people. But most importantly I shall refuse to listen to the voice inside me that keeps on saying that I am not capable of doing a lot of things because I am weak-hearted and that I am not good enough to succeed. This is the very same voice which tells me that I am a failure because the people around me think I am.

By doing these, I can stop envying her.

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5 comments

  1. see? that's because she didn't hear the anger in your voice. next time, mag-ingat na tayo sa susungitan hehe :D

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  2. buti na lng, sa text na ang uso na klaseng ligawan ngayon. heheh!

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  3. at ano naman ang kinalaman nyan ha kuya g??? kung ang ngiti ko parang eclipse, ang comment mo parang tidal wave! destructive! hehe!

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  4. teka.. una, magkasing edad lng tyo..
    pangalawa, pano naging destructive yun? e sinasabi ko lng na mas madali ng makipagusap sa text. d na kelangang matuto ng sign language ng magiging suitors nya. hehe!

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  5. tingin ko may dadalaw sayo mamayang gabi hehe :p

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